As each year goes by, I grow more and more disillusioned about mankind. It recently fazed me that I couldn’t decide if I cared at all if gods or aliens or a reptilian race living underground exist or not.

If you asked me a long time ago what the goal of life is, I would say that I believe the answer is simply, to be true to oneself and to live upright. But now in my disillusionment, I start to wonder that maybe life is not to be lived by any inclination to be cultured, or to love, or merely survive, or to lean towards any greater good for humanity; and even morality itself becomes just a questionable ideal in steering meaning for humanity’s futile hope in a world so putrid, yet arguably made beautiful by its own imperfections. That being just one derivative of an innumerable multitude of possible ideals shapeable from an existentialist point of view, ethics becomes of no greater or lesser importance to anyone but oneself.

A dangerous thing no doubt, to shed the notion of ethics, but playing upon such an idea of a road towards an eventual apathetic existence, had led me yet another little step towards endeavoring to comprehend our existence: That perhaps life’s meaninglessness might be its very meaning after all. If everything is meaningless, then everything suddenly has meaning. No goal or action may become any more trivial then it is of equal importance towards nothing and everything both at the same time. Do you see it? Do you not? I’m not crazy y’know.

As war and religion take their hands in serving their purposes too, even when both are the greatest perceivable crimes against humanity; they are still a part of the cacophony of collective ‘meanings’ in this world. No right and no wrong? We must all be here to do what we feel like doing, consequences or not. When goes the saying “ Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes,” is deemed futile because one can still judge a man for far, far less; and nature and nurture are but primary cards of a game dealt fatefully at one’s birth. Don't judge? Don't mind if I mind, but ah, go ahead anyway.

In the game of Life and Death, favoring life is just but a more colorful choice, and death, an eventual end that must truly be deemed courageous when self met. In the end, there really is no point… but to one’s own. Ignorance is granted bliss, and knowledge is only a temporary power grant. Ethics is but a personal value that provides self pleasure just as every orgasm does to an individual’s end. Would the only thing be to accept it all thoroughly, and one should perhaps lean to agree with the hedonists after all? Sigh… how far I’ve strayed… point being, I’m very lost... it's as if I'm... soulless, but yet... unable to feel indifferent... Goodbye, 2010. I tried to be a proper person.

Hello, 2011. My dream is to destroy the world.